1. He’s funny. Sometimes it may not be entirely intentional, but his joy is contagious. Whether it’s his laugh when the dog decides to lick his bald head, or him making an utter fool of himself dancing like crazy among the high schoolers he leads or at my sisters’ wedding, you can’t help but join in his joy.

2. He can actually shop for us! I know this one is rare among even the best men, but 98% of the time, my dad can not only pick out a shirt that suits my sister or I, but he has actually been the catalyst in us becoming fans of Banana Republic. Growing up, I’d open a shirt or purse for my birthday and when I’d exclaim how much I loved it, my Mom would get all (jokingly) frustrated because guess who picked it out? That’s right, Dad. To this day, friends have a look of surprise when they say they like something I’m wearing and I say “Thanks! My Dad got it for me!”

3. He’s the cook. While many other kids grow up with their mom being the cook in the family, for me that always seemed so odd. Mom made us toast and hot cereal when we were sick, but Dad made the General Tso’s Chicken, Tortellini Casserole, Beef Goulash, and Chocolate mousse to die for. If he went away for a business trip, he’d leave us frozen meals with instructions to reheat or “easy” meal ideas for us to follow. Even at the end of his long days at work, he’d “whip up” something delicious for us for dinner.

4. He can communicate well. Another rare trait among men is the ability to communicate in all settings. He is known to communicate well at work, among friends, AND with us as his family. The man at work is the same man who comes home. I’ve never heard of anything he’s done in the office that doesn’t make me proud to be his daughter. My response is always “Yep, that’s my dad.”

The man at work is the same man who comes home.

5. He supports my dreams. That is not to say he always understands them, but he will always support them and try as much as he can to learn more. He jokes all the time that I got my artistic side from my Mom, which is true, but when I decided to attend art school for Graphic Design, he attended every art show and offered constructive criticism whenever he could. I still remember him saying that he has a much deeper appreciation for what looks like “simple art” after watching me toil away on my own projects. Now he’ll actually go into art galleries with me because he knows it means a lot to me and that matters to him.

6. He is honest. There are times in life when lying would certainly be much easier. But for my dad, he sticks to the truth and it’s an admirable quality when used properly. Honesty isn’t about being blunt and rude for the sake of not lying. Honesty is witnessing my mom asking him about an outfit she bought while out shopping and seeing him say something like either “Wow, Honey, you look beautiful” or “There’s other shirts you own that are so much more flattering for your beauty, that one’s not worth it.” See what he did there? He still said it wasn’t the best buy for her, but he didn’t do so by crushing her self-esteem. He lifted it up in the process!

He is honest without ever crushing self-esteem.

7. He thinks my Mom was the most beautiful woman ever. To this day, he still remembers how she had the most radiant smile, how her eyes were a sparkling, unique shade of blue, and how she “sashayed” in “her little genie pants.” While I’m sure he also loved the rest of her body and that loving the way she walked was something physical, he never expressed any kind of degrading sentiment about her. He speaks of her eyes the most, and her laugh. What he expresses the most about her are genuine qualities of who she was that made her such a radiant person to be around. It speaks to his wanting to make her smile, just to see it, and wanting to look her in the face when having a conversation, because her eyes were beautiful to him. It speaks to how much he loved to laugh with her, because that sound meant more to him than any business meeting or promotion from his boss ever could. She was the most beautiful woman in the world to him and that’s all that mattered.

It speaks to his wanting to make her smile, just to see it, and wanting to look her in the face when having a conversation, because her eyes were beautiful to him. It speaks to how much he loved to laugh with her, because that sound meant more to him than any business meeting or promotion from his boss ever could.

8. He remembers the important days! I don’t just mean birthdays; he remembers when my sister and I have a big day coming up, an anniversary of my sister and her husband, or graduation day of one of the kids he mentors. Plus, one of the most endearing things about my parents’ marriage was seeing my Dad remember the anniversary of their first date (according to him at least haha), or the date that he proposed to her, while even Mom had forgotten. He’d get her a card or gift or flowers to celebrate, and almost every time she’d say she had forgotten but usually then tear up because, once again, he came through and remembered, even when she couldn’t. It’s truly the little things that matter, isn’t it?

9. He has a solid faith to stand on. My parents didn’t start their marriage with a faith, but came to find one together when I was very young. And together, their faiths both grew strong independently, and united, wholly trusting God at the core. When times got hard and Mom barely had anything left to give, it was Dad who’d commit to getting her to the prayer service where her lymph-edema was healed. It was Dad still showing her God’s kind of love when she needed to hear or see it the most. And it was MOM urging my dad to attend his men’s Bible Study because she knew how important His faith was, too. Faith was and is His core of who He is.

10. His friends matter, but God and Family come first. Dad has his own friends, of course, and they’d even call one another “brothers,” but ultimately, Dad would bend over backwards to ensure that his family is taken care of before even his closest friends. He takes this so seriously, that it’s the very same reason my Mom had to urge him to attend his Bible study with them… she mattered more. It’s the very same reason that my sister and I both have encouraged him to go out and spend time with his friends when he’s invited to dinner. And it’s the same reason why he’s embraced that. We all know, because he’s shown us time and time again, that he’d be there no questions asked if we called him and needed him. So while I love to see him have time with his friends and to build those relationships, I really cherish that he has stood by his word of always putting God first and family second, and never wavering on that.

11. He serves everyone. My Dad is incredibly generous. It’s only because of him that my sister and I have been able to make tough choices for the betterment of our health because we had him to lean on. And it’s because of him that we, too, have learned to give and be generous with others. One might say it’s easy to do for family, but he is known to be generous with friends as well. When God puts something on his heart as a way he can serve others, whether that’s monetarily, or with his cooking a meal, or even offering his time to help others, he never holds anything back.

He loved her by always being there for her and revealing to her the strengths she already possessed and bringing them out for others to witness.

12. HE LOVED MY MOM. He loved her on the good days when it was all laughs and smiles. He loved her on the days when there were difficult conversations to have and decisions to make. He loved her when she could be her happy, bouncy, active self, and on the days when she barely had it in her to get out of bed. He loved her even when they fought, and he loved her and showed her that love through apologizing and acknowledging that she meant more than any silly disagreement. He loved her by always being there for her and revealing to her the strengths she already possessed and bringing them out for others to witness. He loved her by letting her love others even when he thought they didn’t deserve that love from his precious wife… and he grew from it. He loved her by being the best possible husband he could be because he knew that’s what she deserved the most.

Dad, I could have no better example of the man I want to marry one day than you – the greatest hero of my own lifes’ fairytale. You’re the one who saves so many and takes no credit. You’re the man behind the camera cheering on our greatest accomplishments and wiping our tears when we fall short. You’re the man who reminds me that it’s okay to have “high standards” because men like you really do exist. You’re the man who I look up to, who I treasure, cherish and who I’m proud to call MY DAD.

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1. Self-reliant. A strong woman knows that she can do things on her own (most of the time) but chooses to reach out for help and support from others. She does not feel that it is a weakness to ask for help to get through a rough patch, for prayer support, or literal physical help when needed. I am the first to admit that it doesn’t come naturally to me to accept help from others. For me, it’s not even about feeling that I need to do it on my own, but more so out of not wanting to “burden” anyone else with my needs/issues. But I’ve learned it’s so necessary to accept help because that’s when you allow others to touch your life by serving you too.

A strong woman knows that she can do things on her own (most of the time) but chooses to reach out for help and support from others.

2. Stingy on praise for others. We must always build each other up! When an idea is expressed, the first impulse should never be to shoot it down or point out flaws. A strong woman is the first to encourage others and help them grow their ideas and dreams in a supportive, loving manner. She doesn’t first think of what’s wrong with it, rather what talents she possesses that might help that other persons’ dreams become a reality with a little help (see #1).

3. Selfish. She knows that no matter what she may be going through, she can still choose to recognize the needs of others. She doesn’t get so fully engulfed by her own issues that she brushes off, or is oblivious to, the needs of others. This is not to say that she can’t be going through anything of her own, or that she can’t ask for help/prayers for herself (again see #1), but she knows that ultimately, serving others’ needs will bring a sense of peace and joy to her own life that cannot be obtained by wallowing in the depths of her own problems all the time.

4. Unforgiving. The ability to forgive another, even without an apology, for the sake of love and relationship takes more strength than any retaliation ever could. A strong woman knows that not all battles need to be won if a relationship is to be had, and accepts that apologizing for hurting someone (intentionally or otherwise) is ultimately more important than proving who was “right” in the situation.

The ability to forgive another, even without an apology, for the sake of love and relationship takes more strength than any retaliation ever could.

5. Unapologetic. In the same way that a strong woman needs to be able to forgive when they’ve been wronged, a strong woman should be the first to apologize when she has caused another person hurt. Whether that hurt was intentional or not (it’s often not!!), she has the strength to apologize sincerely knowing that apologizing speaks to her strong character more than it could ever appear to be weak.

6. Unable to admit flaws and weaknesses. We are all flawed! And sometimes, those flaws have a negative effect on other people. A strong woman has the ability to acknowledge those flaws, apologize when they have affected others (see #5), and work on them. Strength isn’t simply admitting you have issues, but truly having the willingness to work on them for the sake of others and “Get all the advice and instruction you can, so you will be wise the rest of your life” Proverbs 19:20 (NLT). If all I ever did in art school was listen to the constructive criticism from others, but leave my art projects in the state they were in, then I’d have accomplished nothing! My talent never would have grown and I’d forever be stuck exactly where I was. The same concept applies! It’s not just about listening to others pour into you and wise friends giving you advice but then letting it all go to waste; it’s about doing something with it. That doesn’t mean that you’re expected to transform overnight, but a strong woman is willing to acknowledge her weaknesses, heed the advice of wise friends, and actively strive to work on it daily.

“Get all the advice and instruction you can, so you will be wise the rest of your life” Proverbs 19:20 (NLT).

7. Loose-lipped. The tongue holds the power to lift others up or to destroy. “A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything – or destroy it!” James 3: 5 (MSG). A strong woman always thinks before she speaks. Every word she speaks has been thought out in respect to the effect it may have on other people. No one is perfect, and no one could ever entirely manage to control what they say, but like any other skill, with practice, comes progress.

8. Consumed by the desire to win. There is nothing wrong with being a little competitive, and there is especially nothing wrong with being an achiever, but it becomes a problem when the desire to be the best comes before being aware of others. There will be times when thoughts and opinions will differ, for sure. But for a strong woman, the desire to be right, have the winning idea, or achieve a goal never comes before looking out for the feelings of others. That’s not to say that all others must agree with her dreams, ideas, or goals, but it means that she will always have ears open for listening to differing views or opinions rather than completely shutting out any idea that is not her own.

But for a strong woman, the desire to be right, have the winning idea, or achieve a goal never comes before looking out for the feelings of others.

Strength doesn’t come from besting others, never apologizing, or being selfish in the pursuit of dreams and goals. Strength comes from controlling your tongue, asking for help when needed, encouraging others along the way, and being willing to work on yourself to be the best you can be for your own sake, and others’.

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My Mom exemplified everything a Mom could ever be. Here’s why.

She would apologize. Let me first clarify that she was by no means the only one to ever apologize after an argument. I’d even say 95% of the time, it was most certainly me who’d recognize the wrong and need to apologize… but what mattered was that she taught us (my sister and I) that even she, “the mom” was not above apologizing if she felt she’d crossed the line. Our hurt just wasn’t worth being “right.” She taught us that no matter what the intention may have been, if you hurt someone, you have to apologize. She taught us that no one is above anyone else when it comes to real hurt, not even mother over child. She was humble.

She taught us that no one is above anyone else when it comes to real hurt, not even mother over child.

She poured her whole self into us. She grew up as the youngest of three and had a childhood that eventually fueled the reason why she poured herself into loving us as greatly as she did. There was never a single moment (even in the midst of those fights between us) that myself or my sister could have questioned her love for us and devotion to us. I remember her showing us how to nurture and raise an orphaned Mockingbird. I remember her singing us our special songs at bedtime no matter how tired she probably was. I remember her always, ALWAYS coming in to kiss us goodnight even if we were already half asleep. She never missed a chance to remind us how she felt about us: “You are treasured, you are cherished and you are loved.” She was love.

“You are treasured, you are cherished and you are loved.”

She found ways to connect. My mom found ways to connect on a deeper level with both my sister and myself. With me, that connection was art. From a very young age, she taught me how to color and encouraged me to explore new techniques as I got older. She was my support through art school who I didn’t have to explain an art project to. I’d say I was working with India Ink and that the point was to learn to shade “backwards” and she just got it… unlike Dad, who (no offense, Dad) I had to explain things to in a bit more detail. And with my sister, there’s probably other ways she might remember, of course, but I remember them connecting when it came to silly poems and writing. Ironically, though I’m now the one with a blog, my sister was always the writer of the family and she and Mom would have countless jokes that either originated from “Runny Babbit” or from their own creative minds – I remember them laughing together and dad and I just looking at each other completely clueless as to what was so funny… but what mattered was their laughter. She was the glue of our family.

… but what mattered was their laughter.

She was an example of Jesus’ love for others. If I didn’t have my mom as an example to learn from, I honestly don’t know how many fights I’d have gotten into, or words I’d have said that I’d later wish I could take back. She was a perfect example of turning the other cheek. She’d get beaten down and rise up stronger the next day. She’d get slandered and would organize an entire gift basket for the one who mistreated her the most. She would have so much of her own pain and still ask only for others’ prayer requests and fervently pray for their healing. She was an example of Godly love.

Though her life here on Earth may have ended, she left behind enough of a legacy to last multiple lifetimes

This list could surely go on, but on the eve of Mother’s Day through a blur of tears, I have to end here. Though her life here on Earth may have ended, she left behind enough of a legacy to last multiple lifetimes – at least as many as my Dad, my sister and I can all carry on through the telling of these types of stories, these kinds of memories, and these various of examples of how to live well.

Love you, Mom, Happy Mother’s Day.

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Blocking our view of what’s good and beautiful even in our times of waiting and struggle is what evil will always try to do.

Personally, I’ve lived through some major “valleys” in life and continue to do so. There’s always going to be ups and downs. Being a Christian certainly doesn’t mean your life will be easy or that you won’t have any struggles! What it does mean is that you must learn to rely on God for all things and that, once you do, you might even begin to see Him there for you and with you in the midst of your struggles. He is there walking alongside you no matter where the path may take you.

It’s true that hindsight is 20/20, but often times having faith means that you can’t always wait until you’re through your valley to look back and see where God was. At times, that’s all we’re capable of, sure, and there’s certainly times in every Christians life when it’s humanly impossible to see the beauty through it. That’s exactly when you have to remember that Jesus said “What is impossible with man is possible with God.” – Luke 18:27 (CSB). In this case, I don’t believe God expects us to see that our struggles are good, but I do believe that He simply expects us to lean on Him through them. By doing so, we are acknowledging that our trust is in Him and that our focus is on Him, even when we don’t yet know the outcome.

It’s true that hindsight is 20/20, but often times having faith means that you can’t always wait until you’re through your valley to look back and see where God was.

When things going on in our lives are generally not going so great, it’s so easy to wallow in it and close off to any good that God might be working through it. We hear about “mountaintop experiences” and strive for them… and there’s nothing wrong with looking forward to the day when it feels like you’re on the top of the world with God by your side, but it’s also possible to see the beauty in the valleys we go through as well.

Mountaintops are rocky, jagged and often even perilously windy with less oxygen – but the view is spectacular! That’s what makes the rest worth the risk. It’s so tempting to just continue seeking out the next mountaintop experience to have community with God from the very top.

It’s in our struggles and low points of life that He wants us to “draw near to God, and He will draw near to you.” – James 4:8 (CSB)

Yet, at the foot of some of the highest mountains, lie the valleys we must travel through to get there. Valleys are where God wants to meet us. It’s in our struggles and low points of life that He wants us to “draw near to God, and He will draw near to you.” – James 4:8 (CSB). Finding the beautiful in the deepest valleys of life can be so difficult. There’s times you might not even see it, but ultimately the beautiful thing is that God is with us every step of the way through it. You can see His beauty in the lush green foliage and the flowers that bloom, or in the fog that rolls in drenching his creation with moisture necessary for growth, or in the birds that sing His praise. “Aren’t two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them falls to the ground without your father’s consent. … So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows” – Matthew 10:29, 31 (CSB). He is with us through every trial, struggle and valley of life if we allow Him to be. With the Holy Spirit living in us, we are forever connected with God and He will reveal himself to us in unexpected ways if we let Him. Being ever-aware of His creation and goodness through the times of struggle is so important and might truly be the only way to get through sometimes.

When you’re feeling sad or alone, He might send a bird to sing at your window. When you’re feeling unworthy or ugly, He might make you aware of a beautiful garden to remind you that all of his creation is beautiful, including you. “For we are God’s masterpiece…” – Ephesians 2:10 (NLT). When you wonder if He even hears your prayers, he might stir up a strong breeze that whistles through the trees or make the sun peek out from behind the clouds in response. God knows so much more than we ever can or will about our lives here on Earth. We may never understand why the valley we’re going through was ever allowed to be a part of our journey through life, but we must rely on Him to reveal to us the beauty around us, even in the midst of our struggle. Our days would be so much worse if we shut Him out and refused to acknowledge that he is good, always. “Shall we accept only good from God and not adversity?” – Job 2:10 (CSB).

God is with us in our valleys of life. He would love nothing more than to meet us only on mountaintops when we have more perspective; that was His original intent for our world when He created it. We do live in a fallen world, though, and so we must remember to hold on through the trying times, knowing that He won’t just be waiting for us on the other side of struggle, but that He is with us through it. His glorious creation is for us to enjoy and be made aware of. When everything seems dark and dismal, His beauty and presence is all around us; we just have to see it.

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So many lives were lost before they could ever have the chance to truly live.

That night, in the early hours of April 15^th, 1912, so many stories came to an end. So many lives were lost before they could ever have the chance to truly live. And that sad fact brings me to why I’m writing today. At the end of the movie (albeit fictional), Jack makes Rose promise that she’ll survive. He says she’ll go on to live her life and make lots of babies and die an old woman in her bed at night, but not this night. Rose, of course, agrees and promises him that she will. What I don’t know if she knew at the time, is that she was promising to live a life so full it could be counted for both of them.

What I don’t know if she knew at the time, is that she was promising to live a life so full it could be counted for both of them.

It’s later revealed in a series of photographs that Rose took Jacks last name to start a new life for herself. She went on to do all the things they’d talked about doing in life together. She became an actress, went fishing, rode an elephant, flew a plane, rode a horse not side-saddle, and ultimately raised a loving family. Rose didn’t just “survive” – she truly lived.

Isn’t that what we should all do? But instead, how many of us make life about merely surviving? How many go one day at a time just to “get through it?” I know I’ve done that more often than I’ve lived.

There have certainly been seasons of my life when I’ve considered it a “win” to just get through one day at a time. And honestly, in some cases, that’s all I was capable of doing and there’s nothing wrong with that. The issue lies in falling into that pattern when you are capable of so much more!

For Rose, all she wanted was to stop putting on a show for all the rich folks and her mother just for the sake of money. It doesn’t seem like money ever mattered to her. If it did, through meeting Jack, she came to realize that the void she was feeling could never be satisfied by fancy clothes and rare diamond necklaces. That void needed to be filled with truly living her life by doing all that she couldn’t when others were watching her every move. She realized that she wanted to go ice fishing and she wanted to learn to ride a horse without needing to be “proper” and she wanted to raise a “normal” family outside of needing money and things. By the time she was 101 years of age, she is shown to be contentedly making pottery with her hands – literally getting down and dirty simply for the joy of creating art.

“I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of” – John 10:10b (MSG)

We are meant to enjoy life!! “I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of” – John 10:10b (MSG). We are fully and wholly capable of having fun and living life to the fullest. When we promise to survive this world, we can choose to do just that – simply survive, or we can live. We can create art in any form we want (personally, I love to color). We can make new friends. We can go skydiving or backpacking through Thailand! We can simply choose to love and cherish every moment we have with family, laughing as much as possible. No matter what, you can choose life.

How will you choose to fully live today? Next week? Next year? Will you just survive life, or will you live it?

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Often times, I try to fix everything I can get my hands on. It’s taken me years to be able to recognize (most times) that it’s humanly not possible to resolve every conflict I come across, every sad story, every hurting person whom I meet. It’s in times like these that I constantly need to remind myself that I’m focusing on the wrong things.

When I was little, one of my favorite songs my mom would sing to us was “Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus.” It’s such a classic, old hymn, and I had no idea that it would stick with me like it has through the years that followed my childhood, but it has.

“Turn your eyes upon Jesus

Look full in His wonderful face

And the things of Earth,

Will grow strangely dim

In the light of His glory and grace.”

When I find myself focusing on the things going on around me that get me down, I remind myself of those very words.

There was a time when I allowed everything that was going on in my life, including things with work and friends, and even just in my life generally, to take away my joy. I was trying so hard to hold onto it, and to overcome what I knew was happening, but I simply couldn’t.

If you’ve known me at all over the course of my lifetime, you know that I love Christmas. When I say “love” I mean “I FREAKING LOVE IT.” I’m that girl who will secretly listen to Christmas songs starting in October alone in my car knowing that so many people would judge me until after Thanksgiving. I’m that girl who lets the Christmas song play through when it comes on in May because my iPod was on shuffle. I’m that girl who puts so much effort and energy into picking out the best gifts, personalizing each wrapping paper and stacking all the presents so nicely they could be in a magazine somewhere. I’m that girl.

Well, this last Christmas season, “that girl” didn’t exist. I had allowed myself to become so distraught with everything going on around me that I almost completely shut down. I kept in touch with those who I knew would keep me lifted up in prayer, and I tried not to pretend that everything was “fine” when asked how I was doing. But of course, any time I’d share that I was struggling with things going on at work, I’d do so with a smile on my face and say “But I know it will all work out eventually.” Part of me genuinely believed it because I was hanging onto my faith as much as possible. I think the part of my heart that Christ had taken up residence in did know that to be true. But my head, on the other hand, was a different story.

I think the part of my heart that Christ had taken up residence in did know that to be true. But my head, on the other hand, was a different story.

Ironically, what started pulling me down even more was when I realized that I was NOT excited for Christmas. I knew the day was coming and I trusted that it would be a good day, but the days and weeks leading up to it? I wasn’t in it. That was a dark realization for me. My entire soul is rooted in family and traditions and joy, most often, and so when I realized I’d allowed the world to steal that joy, it was dark.

Luckily, I had my closest family and friends reminding me, and being the voice to that part of me which had already realized it, “don’t let this steal your joy. Don’t let this steal your light.” Those same people, my dad included, knew how much “Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus” meant to me and would consistently remind me to keep my focus on Him. Honestly, even those who weren’t as aware of my love for that song would say things like “Keep your eyes on Jesus.” Every time I’d hear those words, or any variant, I’d hear the melody sing through my head. It was as if it was helping the part of my heart that knew it would all work out to be put in alignment with my head that kept focusing elsewhere.

It was as if it was helping the part of my heart that knew it would all work out to be put in alignment with my head that kept focusing elsewhere.

I reached my breaking point in about the second week of December when I was convinced that I knew what the best decision to make was. I was so convinced, and rightfully so, that I was in the midst of extreme unhealthiness that had literally begun to threaten my own health. I kept hearing a small voice telling me to “wait.”

How many times had I heard that before? How many times in my life had I been reminded to just “be still” and have patience? So many. But I also kept reminding myself that if my focus was to be on Him and my trust was to be in Him that He would make all things work together for my good. “We know that God works all things together for good for the ones who love God, for those who are called according to his purpose.” – Romans 8:28 (CEB).

“We know that God works all things together for good for the ones who love God, for those who are called according to his purpose.” – Romans 8:28 (CEB).

I’m so glad I kept my focus on Him, although it was not easy to continue the wait, because ultimately, God DID work some pieces out. God did remind me that He is in charge. No earthly man can out-do Gods plan. It takes reminders now and then, in all forms, that God does have a plan for my life. It may not always be clear to me in the moment what His intent is for me, but He knows. His plan is splendor and majesty and perfect! We’ll never know it all, but in time, God does reveal parts and if we keep our focus on Him, we can see the beauty of it all.

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The first time I heard it, it just seemed like the character was taking a stand. The second time, I thought “wow, that’s the second time they’ve said that, they really need to talk their problem out with someone.” By the third time, it was obvious it wasn’t just a theme for that character, but for the group of people as a whole, each in their own way.

It was as if the pressure was getting to them more than they could even recognize for themselves…

In the case of this show, ironically, the character who said it most was one of the characters seen as the ‘leader’ of the group. It was the one who others would turn to for answers. It was the one who always had an answer for them. It was the one who felt looked over when a different leader was more respected. They’d lash out with “Don’t tell me what I can’t do” when they were questioning their own past and what got them to that point. It was as if the pressure was getting to them more than they could even recognize for themselves, but as soon as someone verbalized that same doubt, they had to push themselves to affirm their own choice, right or not.

We strive so hard to be respected, to be admired, and to be considered for advice, but yet when we are thrust into that role, it’s as if our human nature wants us to doubt that we’ve made the right choice, that we said the right thing, that we know how to go forward.

Isn’t it true, though, at some point in time, you’ve thought the same thing? Well, you are not alone. I believe it’s simply part of being human. We strive so hard to be respected, to be admired, and to be considered for advice, but yet when we are thrust into that role, it’s as if our human nature wants us to doubt that we’ve made the right choice, that we said the right thing, that we know how to go forward. When that nature is coupled with someone, often someone with our own best interests in mind, who encourages us to pause and possibly offers another suggestion, we lash out. We lash out in the form of digging our heels in, clenching our fists, needing to do it “my way,” and saying “Don’t tell me what I can’t do.”

Sometimes, we may have been headed in the right direction anyway, but by lashing out, we just hurt someone close to us. Or, we just managed to drive a wedge in the middle of a growing relationship because we couldn’t just stop and listen. Slipping into the mindset of “Don’t tell me what I can’t do” can be so dangerous. It’s not a good place to be in whether we are right about how we want to proceed or not.

In the business world, for instance, many women have had to adopt that mentality in order to be taken seriously or respected. That’s a great thing to strive for! The want of being respected and taken seriously is great, no matter who you are! But, the danger comes in the long term mindset shift. I’ve seen many people in very tough job positions, men and women, who likely got there because they refused to take no for an answer and pushed through and up; I applaud those efforts. The problem, though, is that because they were pushing for so long and because they had to question if people actually respected them for so long, the “don’t tell me what I can’t do” mentality took over. Some have become leaders in their workplace or even within ministry who refuse to listen to well-meaning advice or suggestions that could, ultimately, better serve them. Some have fostered a sort of fear amongst their subordinates or volunteers that they can never speak up or they’ll be shot down because the leader simply can’t bear to be wrong. …beginning to see the loop? What happens when someone is repeatedly told to keep quiet? They will then be more likely to grow up saying the exact same thing – Don’t tell me what I can’t do! This is a never-ending loop that we have to deal with. We must break the cycle.

The second it becomes more important to be right, than it is to be ever-learning and growing, is the second the words “Don’t tell me what I can’t do” angrily escape our lips.

We were not created to be able to do every single thing. We were not created with equal talents and skills. We were created to be fully and wholly unique with different gifts and talents to bring to the table. The cycle can stop once we learn to listen. Once we accept that our ideas can be awesome, and might even be the best way to proceed, but that we must choose to present them in love, everything can change. “Consider everyone as equal, and don’t think that you’re better than anyone else. … Don’t think that you’re so smart.” – Romans 12:16 (NIV). I’m not saying that there will never be someone in life who tries to get you down or refuses to listen to your ideas no matter how much love you give. What I am saying, is to still never stop loving and hearing people out. The second it becomes more important to be right, than it is to be ever-learning and growing, is the second the words “Don’t tell me what I can’t do” angrily escape our lips.

I thought I could do it all, and in a way, I was proud of my ability to appear that way to others.

Sometimes we have to take a moment to just breathe and lighten the burden we carry of feeling like we can never be wrong, and must always be right and perfect. No one is perfect. I’m sure you heard that at one point or another in life, just as I did, and still do. So many times, I would try to have it all together which would lead to me being overtired, feeling burdened, and then I’d lash out. I’d take it out on my sister or my parents most often (because they still had to love me anyway, right?) and I’d keep it all together for the rest of the world to see. My parents would tell me I was “burning the candle on both ends” and in more words I would say “Don’t tell me what I can’t do!” I thought I could do it all, and in a way, I was proud of my ability to appear that way to others. I was carrying the burden of so many, but it was leading me right into the pattern that I’d fought so hard to overcome. In a twisted sort of way, I had managed to keep up the appearance of being all put together on the outside, and yet I was falling apart on the inside in more ways than one. (That’s a story for another time.) The people who loved me most were the ones who kept trying to be the voice of reason to me and I was too proud to hear it. It took some crazy experiences and close-calls to be able to get to the point where I said, “Ok, lesson learned.”

Here’s the catch, though, I continually need to learn that lesson. We all do. I had to take a step back from all my commitments and force myself to just be still. “’Be still, and know that I am God.’” – Psalm 46:10 (NIV). I had to give myself time to break the cycle of feeling like I had to carry everyone elses burdens, and have all the answers, and have it all together all the time. I decided I didn’t want to become someone who was so determined to do right for others that I became blind to others’ voices of reason. “Pride leads to conflict; those who take advice are wise.” – Proverbs 13:10 (NLT). The lesson never ends, really. The desire to be taken seriously and have it all together never does go away. What does change is our ability to overcome all of it with love if only we take a moment to breathe and listen.

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